I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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