My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
