i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
