i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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