We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
