worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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