so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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