Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
