I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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