He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
