Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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