At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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