At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
