I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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