need another drink. this is the easiest way
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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