Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
