i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
