The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
