Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
