I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Houston, we have a squirter
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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