Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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