My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
