Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
