Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
