I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
