Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
