I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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