i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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