He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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