The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
