giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
