Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
