Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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