im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
