Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
