Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
