So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
