I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize