At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
