Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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