I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
