I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
my being single is dangerous.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
