Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
