The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
