I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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