That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
