Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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