Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
