the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Randomize
