I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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