I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Randomize
