You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
