I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
