Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
