I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
