So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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