You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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