I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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