no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
