somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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