He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
