yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
