I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
