please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
