it was like eating out sand paper
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize