I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
