Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
