Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
