I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
