The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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