Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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