Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
