It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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