Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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