I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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