Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
