Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
