I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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