Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
