Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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