Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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