I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
