Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
