Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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