There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
